Love is hard.
It’s easy to say you love someone until an issue comes up that you need to forgive the person for hurting you.
You see my mum and I had a good relationship. Everything was moving fine until I started disagreeing with her on certain things in our family life. Certain things like picking any of my siblings and treating him or her as a favorite, ignoring the stupid things done or bad attitude displayed. It made me judgemental. I was in a situation where my teenage years involved me looking at people living their lives in black and white.
Sometimes, I think it’s because I’m a libra – that’s why I have this desire to balance the world around me (P. S.: Libra symbol has the scale associated with it.)
But you see, things weren’t always black and white.
Now, in my adult years, I realize that things get complicated. People just make their choices based on the values of what is important to them.
So mum and I had ups and downs in our relationship.
I thought of leaving home and never returning. And I did have the opportunity to leave home. I did.
Then one day I returned. I didn’t like it that I returned initially, but looking back I guess it’s because God wanted me to learn how to forgive. I eventually did realize the power in forgiveness.
There is real power in forgiveness.
Learning to forgive someone you loved and moving forward requires strength – emotional strength. You can’t truly love a person and not know how to forgive the person no matter the size of the offense and the size of your pain. Healing and maturity comes from forgiveness.
Forgiveness helps you to draw healthier boundaries for yourself while building your emotional strength and maturity in the process.
Life is not set in stone. Life doesn’t always happen in black and white. Sometimes there are gray areas that you need to grow up to manage.
In the face of true leadership, how you weather each storm will decide if you grow emotionally or you live in pain continually.
If there’s someone you need to forgive, do so for yourself. If the relationship still remains important to you, maintain it (and remember to draw your boundaries).
Fast forward to today, my mum and I have a wonderful relationship. Sometimes, it amazes me how far we have come. I can tell her “no” concerning a thing and she would be patient with me even if she doesn’t fully understand why I said “no”. And I also feel great when I say “yes” to her concerning a task. It feels good to be able to hug her anytime and also receive hugs when I don’t expect it (because there’s power in touch). It feels good to watch a movie together. And it also feels great to have someone I can ask questions about life and receive her own elderly perspective.
I made a decision to take care of her now she’s alive because I’m not a fan of those who prefer to let their parent(s) suffer while they are alive and when they are dead, a week long burial is done in their name. And each day, I remind myself of that decision because it helps to motivate me and also helps me forgive her when she says things she didn’t mean to say or offends me in other ways.
The beautiful part of this journey is that I realized that even though I’m not yet at the level of life I desire, if I could love my mum well, it won’t be difficult for me to love the woman I’ll be married to in future.
Love is powerful. But there’s a lot about forgiveness that has to do with love.
So, who do you need to forgive and care for today?