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My Emotional Maturity Began When I Decided To Take Care Of My Mum

Love is hard.

It’s easy to say you love someone until an issue comes up that you need to forgive the person for hurting you.

You see my mum and I had a good relationship. Everything was moving fine until I started disagreeing with her on certain things in our family life. Certain things like picking any of my siblings and treating him or her as a favorite, ignoring the stupid things done or bad attitude displayed. It made me judgemental. I was in a situation where my teenage years involved me looking at people living their lives in black and white.

Sometimes, I think it’s because I’m a libra – that’s why I have this desire to balance the world around me (P. S.: Libra symbol has the scale associated with it.)

But you see, things weren’t always black and white.

Now, in my adult years, I realize that things get complicated. People just make their choices based on the values of what is important to them.

So mum and I had ups and downs in our relationship.

I thought of leaving home and never returning. And I did have the opportunity to leave home. I did.

Then one day I returned. I didn’t like it that I returned initially, but looking back I guess it’s because God wanted me to learn how to forgive. I eventually did realize the power in forgiveness.

There is real power in forgiveness.

Learning to forgive someone you loved and moving forward requires strength – emotional strength. You can’t truly love a person and not know how to forgive the person no matter the size of the offense and the size of your pain. Healing and maturity comes from forgiveness.

Forgiveness helps you to draw healthier boundaries for yourself while building your emotional strength and maturity in the process.

Life is not set in stone. Life doesn’t always happen in black and white. Sometimes there are gray areas that you need to grow up to manage.

In the face of true leadership, how you weather each storm will decide if you grow emotionally or you live in pain continually.

If there’s someone you need to forgive, do so for yourself. If the relationship still remains important to you, maintain it (and remember to draw your boundaries).

Fast forward to today, my mum and I have a wonderful relationship. Sometimes, it amazes me how far we have come. I can tell her “no” concerning a thing and she would be patient with me even if she doesn’t fully understand why I said “no”. And I also feel great when I say “yes” to her concerning a task. It feels good to be able to hug her anytime and also receive hugs when I don’t expect it (because there’s power in touch). It feels good to watch a movie together. And it also feels great to have someone I can ask questions about life and receive her own elderly perspective.

I made a decision to take care of her now she’s alive because I’m not a fan of those who prefer to let their parent(s) suffer while they are alive and when they are dead, a week long burial is done in their name. And each day, I remind myself of that decision because it helps to motivate me and also helps me forgive her when she says things she didn’t mean to say or offends me in other ways.

The beautiful part of this journey is that I realized that even though I’m not yet at the level of life I desire, if I could love my mum well, it won’t be difficult for me to love the woman I’ll be married to in future.

Love is powerful. But there’s a lot about forgiveness that has to do with love.

So, who do you need to forgive and care for today?

~ PBW

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What a March!

This month of Match looked promising. I had great hopes and expectations. But sadly, I have not achieved the things I hoped to achieve.

I now look forward to April.

four sunflowers in bloom on teal surface
Photo by Lydia Bond on Pexels.com

When there’s life, there’s hope.

~ PBW

I Took My Mum Out On Valentine’s Day and She Blessed Me

I’m glad I did. And it was worth it.

You see, it’s been more than twenty-one years since I lost my dad. My mum didn’t remarry. It was her own choice. I say so because she was still young and beautiful. I sense she must have had a couple of admirers then. But she decided not to marry again.

It took me time to understand the difference between loneliness and being alone. It’s not easy being alone on a day when couples – both young and old – celebrate love and companionship.

I remember some years past, she would tell me to take her out on Valentine’s Day, I usually turned her down. The fact is I just didn’t get it. I didn’t understand the feelings of being alone and missing someone until I watched my friend’s father after he lost his wife.

He was happy with his wife until she died. Since then, I saw that something changed in him. He is no more the same. It’s been tough with him – losing such a wonderful pillar to death. Even my friend misses his mum too.

But this post is about my time with my mum on Valentine’s Day. I’m glad I took her out – not some girl I was chasing but my mum.

We had a wonderful time out – gisting over a meal of roasted fish and some malt drinks.

She was happy too. I could literally see the glow on her face. I’m glad I didn’t turn her down this time around.

Most importantly, she blessed me at the end of the day. And to me, those heartfelt blessings is something that money cannot buy.

It’s true that I’m still single. But I don’t regret it. When I’m married, I want to be able to smile and be truly grateful whenever I reflect on my days of being single.

To me, seeing that glow on my mum’s face, that is a worthy winner for me. And to get those blessings too, I know my future is made.

I want to also use this post to say a big thank you to my good friend, Akan Essien, who encouraged me to take my mum out. Nothing beats having a good friend who encourages you to make the right decision.

Peace.

~ PBW

Election Month… My Candidate Has Been Manipulated

Happy new month.

It is well known that Nigeria will be having her elections next week.

I had in mind to vote for the Social Democratic Party Presidential Candidate – Mr. Donald Duke.

But sadly, I just learnt today that yesterday, his party’s National Executive Council decided to endorse President Buhari of the APC.

This to me is cunning, especially when I think of the fact that Donald Duke is still the Presidential Candidate of the party – even after winning his suit with Jerry Gana in court.

It is a saddening situation that a few group of people want to use trickery and deceit to endorse the sitting president for a second term.

Donald Duke was a great alternative and fresh air to the circle of recycled politicians at the top of affairs in Nigeria.

Since Donald Duke has not had the privilege of campaigning enough to increase his clout, I have decided to vote in Atiku Abubakar of the People’s Democratic Party (PDP) on the day for the Presidential Elections.

My PVC is ready.
Elections here I come.